When my sister asked me what I wanted for christmas I originally asked for the new Call of Duty, but then quickly changed my mind after seeing an advert for the new 007 Goldeneye Reloaded . There was a sudden hit of nostalgia; Nintendo64, friends houses after school, gadgets, bosses and intense multiplayer. After spending £42.99 of my sisters student loan, I walked home excited, waiting to relive my prepubescent memories.
Music starts - SITTING UP STRAIGHT - tutorial - Q starts talking to me - P99 Walther - shoot targets - YES - pick up AK47 - shoot targets - CLAMMY HANDS - sneak up behind guard - punch to the face - karate chop to the neck - he falls - I ALMOST CREAM.
The tutorial ends quickly, i'm enjoying the simplicity and clean smooth look that you would expect from a James Bond game. Suddenly James and Alec appear, and the disappointment begins.
Alec looks like a cross between Matt Cardle and someone who got lost in the 90's section of BHS. Daniel Craig as James Bond, is equipped with a smartphone from the Carphone Warhouse, wearing Primark, and looking like he's about to jump in a Vauxhall Corsa and pick up his kids from KFC. WHERE IS PIERCE BROSNAN IN HIS ALL IN ONE BLACK JUMPSUIT WITH HIS LASER WATCH? This feels more like 'The Jeremy Kyle Show goes undercover' than 007.
3 deep breaths later I decide that I may have judged a game by its players, but how could I forget that i'm (almost) never wrong. Clean and simple was exactly what the game was; the whole way through I was going round in circles, the storyline and maps repeat their plot and layout, I ONLY GOT TO DRIVE A TANK ONCE, no gadgets, BMW or aston martin, just a smartphone to 'hack' into turrets, the AI was identical and predictable the whole way through. (I could give you a list of all the other things wrong with the game but don't wanna talk about this more than I already have to). I've played 'shoot-em-ups' on my iPhone that have more depth than this game.
I thought to myself 'Ok one more chance - lets try multiplayer'; all I saw was a poor mans COD. The razor blades jumped out of my shaver and walked all the way from the bathroom to the living room; 'Can we be of assistance?'.
I completed the game in under 24 hours, with a 12 hour sleep, eat, and cry included; giving it countless chances to develop and improve but only being constantly disappointed with every level. Shortly after finishing the game I ran to Tesco, bought Call of Duty played it and realised my mistake was expensive and ignorant. Side by side there was no competition; in the best form of example it was a colouring book next to an encyclopaedia.
A lack of money, love, inspiration and quality managed to destroy what could've been an amazing comeback. I thought I was buying Goldeneye "RELOADED" not Goldeneye "RECESSION".